HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
