Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
