Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
