You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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