Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
