i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
