She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
