I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
