Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is my gift to your gina
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
