Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
