This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
