It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
