i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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