Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
