I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
