i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All the doctor said was why
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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