I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
