apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
