Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
