i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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