Swine flu is the new snow day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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