That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
