In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
