fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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