Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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