you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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