i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
