we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
