I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
