OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
