I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
