You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
