She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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