dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
