doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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