Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm too high and old for this...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
