I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
