And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
