she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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