You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
