I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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