fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
