Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the day after is always just damage control
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
