If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
