FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
