just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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