this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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