If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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