I wanna bring you to show and tell
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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