I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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