Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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